Counseling Cattle Call, PTSD, Rank Vaginas, Disrespect, Lies About Housing, So Sick of the BS

I tried to figure out how to put a bubble over the cat which says 'those bastards'.

Over the last year this was me writing about my experiences at the Interfaith Sanctuary. Sometimes I was too traumatized to write and sometimes too sick or both. Right now I am so sick of all of it, the bullying, the lies, the constantly changing rules, not being told the rules have changed, the gaslighting,the negative effects on my health, the lack of caring from city hall, the filth, the viruses, the noise, the women who don't bathe and have rank smelling vaginas that waft into my bunk causing gagging and the egocentric lack of common courtesy such as talking on their phones after lights out or early while others are trying to sleep. The noise level and the foul body odors in the dorm are just unbelievable, instead of talking many yell like they are putting on a show. Oh the drama over nothing or based on poor judgment. They have policies that spread the viruses quite efficiently, "That's how we've always done it." If I mention I have a defective immune system and so do others they immediately start discounting my concerns which are very valid.

Then there is the BS from the director Dan about how there is housing for the homeless all over Boise. He says he finds someone housing "every day." I asked for a list of those landlords, so far haven't gotten one. Then more BS. Since Dan was getting on my nerves I began giving him PTSD ranting versions of my stories so he asked me if I wanted counseling. Don't make me start the ranting stories about trying to get counseling for PTSD since 2005. I haven't even started about what happened in New Mexico or why I left Alaska a story that is very hard to believe but true. I saw a very good psycholigist here from Maryland, but the constant changing of my appointments and other issues ended that. I saw a lovely woman at CWA who left the agency, but the second one told me since I read books and was resourceful I did not need counseling, yea she really did say that to a former RN and while psych was not my primary specialty it was one of them. Total BS. This is what goes on.

The crazy community clinics in Alaska did not even call back in three places. The misdiagnoses because don't they always have those poorly trained social workers who don't have the education and experience to diagnose people in those clinics. They are utterly clueless. Then on top of it I have neurological issues that make sorting out what is going on the job of a psychiatrist, not an incompetent social worker or psychologist. Every place a different misdiagnosis, then the same story has played out here. I was suicidal  in Alaska for the second time which BTW is SOP due to the abuse and horrible conditions and what you have to observe happening to others, the corrupt government, the massive drunks and corrupt/inept law enforcement and the massive bullies. This social worker...get this...tells me it would be OK to hitch hike from Homer Alaska to Anchorage while suicidal because I was not young and beautiful. I said, "That's a crazy thing to say to a patient. She then bolted out of the room, never saw that crazy woman again, she is probably doing some crazy thing with a patient right now. I worked with psychopaths, some of them prey on older women and other types of predatory individuals target whoever they may see as vulnerable. I was trying to get to a program in Anchorage where to my surprise the psychiatrists were able to diagnose me with something that made sense. They also told me I needed to write a book, now I have material for two or three books. Having been a supervisor of an acute adult psych unit I was well aware of what my diagnoses were before going there and it is super obvious. But that does not stop hacks at the incompetent clinic for the homeless, Terry Reilly from making two misdiagnoses within five minutes of my arriving. Neither of them could have been made even if he had spent and hour with me while being way out of his area of expertise. They fired me as a patient and I will be writing more about that.

Dan told me this Affinity Inc has someone he can get me an appointment with and I ask if they have anything to do with Terry Reilly. He says no. Then the students tell me there is an appointment made for me on Monday at 8 AM. I had something to do that morning, but did not do it to go. I already knew it was probably going to not work out as nothing ever does with any of these agencies that "help" the homeless. I even told someone she will either not show up or be late and I can't take anymore of this crap. It is never about helping the homeless, it is about managing us, pathologizing us and criminalizing us. So I leave for a while and go back to the shelter a little early. While waiting, a few minutes before she was supposed to be there staff tells me she called to say she was coming. I ask what that means, is she going to be late...what? He doesn't know. I waited a while, then another person showed up obviously to meet with her. Then I say, "Oh, I see, this is a cattle call." And yes it was apparently more people showed up after I left saying, "How do I get out of this gulog?" I AM SO SICK OF BEING TREATED IN A DISRESPECTFUL WAY BY EVERYONE BECAUSE THE HOMELESS ARE NOT SEEN AS EVEN BEING HUMAN. I worked my whole life since high school with health problems until the abusive policies of this country and Alaska mostly affecting the Native people gave me PTSD.

What I needed long ago was housing and to not be exposed to the abuse and trauma that continues, layer upon layer here in 'Merica. I need to get the hell away from all these people who make very bad decisions that harm me. I need to do the things that treat ME/cfs, be able to sleep, eat healthy food, have some peace. I thought the problems in Alaska were due to it being backwards, but the same abuse, the same filth, the same lack of competent health care and the same lack of housing is here in Idaho. The treatment that works for PTSD is to give the person control of their life, but instead we get trauma piled on top of trauma for years on end. At the shelter we have no control, even though they put up a sign that says only we can control the rest of our lives.

The bad behavior of some of the women is not supervised so that limits choices even further. I have better judgment than all the staff put together, but am not allowed to make my own choices about housing, toxic chemicals, protecting myself from viruses, protecting myself from second hand cigarette smoke, protecting myself from sociopaths, toxic people and more. Even what I bring in for personal hygiene is controlled. I can't even use a hair drier. I cant write at night. I can't do the things I normally do, nothing. I can't even read a fucking book at night due to the junior high slumber party in the dorm every night and it has gotten horrible. There was a ban on books at one point, but that only lasted 24 hours. Can you even imagine such a thing? All this goes on while the rank va-jay-jay odor wafts into my bunk. I have complained about that odor every day for weeks now and it just gets worse. It has been an ongoing problem over the last year and the shower policy went from Nazi to nada without a word being said with regard to changing. Excusifying is the response to complaints.

I saw the police harassing people who were sleeping outside. One said they gave them tickets. That day I walked by and said to the cop the reason they are out here is the shelters are hell holes. There are other reasons people sleep in cars or outside, but day in and day out the craziness, the abuse and putting your property in danger of being thrown away or stolen makes the Interfaith Sanctuary a torture chamber of trauma. That shelter is crazy making. It makes mentally healthy people nuts, so imagine the effect it has on the mentally ill.

No social or revolutionary movement succeeds without a core of people who will not betray their vision and their principles. They are the building blocks of social change. They are our only hope for a viable socialism. They are willing to spend their lives as political outcasts. They are willing to endure repression. They will not sell out the oppressed and the poor. They know that you stand with all of the oppressed—people of color in our prisons and marginal communities, the poor, unemployed workers, our LGBT community, undocumented workers, the mentally ill and the Palestinians, Iraqis and Afghans whom we terrorize and murder—or you stand with none of the oppressed. They know when you fight for the oppressed you get treated like the oppressed. They know this is the cost of the moral life, a life that is not abandoned even if means you are destined to spend generations wandering in the wilderness, even if you are destined to fail. Chris Hedges

Gaslighting From the Director of the First Albertons Store, Joe Albertson Turned Over in His Grave, All Homeless People are Considered Thieves, The Homeless Fun Continues

Yesterday I wrote about my experience being falsely accused of shoplifting at Albertsons. It has been very upsetting to me. I called this morning to request a copy of the video surveillance while I was in the store, the director of that store told me the clerk asking me, what about the lunch meat, was not accusing me of shoplifting, that their employees are trained not to accuse people of shoplifting. She thought I had lunch meat in my bag after presenting her with my purchases, but the director of the store claims that is not an accusation of shoplifting. I told him look, she specifically asked me about lunch meat and then gave me a crazy story about how customers shop, put their purchases into their bags and then take them out at the register to pay for them. No store allows that unless it is one of those obvious shopping bags. He told me people steal backpacks, put their purchases in them and go to the cash register. So do they think I stole the gym bag I have been carrying around in the morning from them? I have never seen backpacks for sale at an Albertson's, in fact one of the reasons I prefer Fred Meyers over them is their very limited stock in the food area. They do have a salad bar where Fred Meyer does not which is one of the main reasons I DID shop there.

He tried to gaslight me by saying that asking someone, what about that lunch meat, is not accusing them of shoplifting. He said the same thing the clerk said yesterday that is really sick and disgusting, "I'm sorry you took it that way." Really!?  Do they think I'm stupid because I can assure them this is not the case and I recognize gaslighting right away. No, she said what she said and according to the director Albertsons trains them to say what she said. The manager further confirmed they train people to play word games in an attempt to accuse and then say the accused is just confused and taking things the wrong way, they are over reacting, yes we said something but you know she is just an ignorant homeless person. Hey, how ignorant to I appear now buddy?

He kept saying someone in their loss prevention department would contact me, no one from Albertsons at the store level or corporate level has contacted me. Why would I need to talk with her as there was no loss, only accusations and gaslighting which is a form of lying and attempted brain washing?

I told this director that judges are pretty smart and would be able to interpret the words she used and that it is an obvious accusation. If they ask if you have anything else that is not an accusation, asking, what about the lunch meat is a specific accusation in which the clerk acknowledged that she believed I had taken lunch meat and secreted it in my duffel bag. So he can kiss my ass. I did tell him that Joe Albertson had just turned over in his grave about what he said to me.

I also asked the manager why the person in charge of the store yesterday did not even bother to ask for my name and phone number when I told him what happened and at that point I was too shocked to even function. I know the answer, so they could make their attempt to just blow me off because they are still trying to do that.

The reason why this happened was I am homeless and they believe as does most of the community that all homeless people are thieves. In Boise most people believe the homeless are all addicts and alcoholics as well, but statistics show it is actually about 1/3 of the homeless population everywhere which is higher that the general 1/10 of the population. Furthermore, some of them were not using chemicals until they were homeless and treated inhumanely. Many of the homeless are traumatized individuals forced to live in a shelter and they are essentially trauma factories, over and over and over until people are just a shell of their former selves.

I certainly found out at the laundromat on 16th about the prejudices against the homeless from businesses. Due to wanting to get away from annoying people at an unstaffed laundromat I left a load of laundry there and called to find out about it. This is when the owner let me know what she thinks about the homeless people she makes her living off of, "It's mostly homeless in that area and they steal everything." Then I told her look lady I'm homeless and do not steal anything." In fact my money has been stolen at two laundromats in Boise and after screwing me they treated me very rudely. At that particular laundromat where lots of homeless people do their laundry the owners charge 25 cents for five minutes of drying, but laundromats in other areas charge 25 cents for ten minutes of drying. Also when setting the washers the price of the load of laundry goes up if you use hot water. HEY LAUNDROMAT LADY, WHO IS THE THIEF NOW?

*****
Meanwhile back in hellish homeless shelter land I was able to sleep longer last night. The ear plugs I got from Walmart did help but apparently the intentional bed bouncing has stopped. I am still exhausted and Albertsons did not help any. I will not shop there as it is obviously not safe for me, so had to walk a long distance somewhere else with ME/cfs, thanks.

********
In Alaska three days after filing an appeal a prosecutor, a public defender and a crooked judge all working out of the Nome court system and using two sociopathic brothers in Homer Alaska set up a false scenario to have me wrongfully arrested and imprisoned. It included an ex parte hearing that they never informed me of, very unethical. While I was locked up and tortured by the state of Alaska my cat was starved and tortured by one of the sociopaths who stole about half of my property and put the rest out in the rain. They were my landlords in a lodge where I had gone without heat, water, electricity and it was quite unsafe. BTW, those are the kinds of places people who are low income, people like me on Social Security Disability get to live. Bad things happen and we end up homeless over and over, so after a while people just stay homeless as it is less trauma causing even though that causes trauma too. Then all the problems with the places we rent cause bad rental histories because landlords are believed even when everything they say is a lie.

A meth lab was set up there and the other tenants were criminal types. The troopers knew about the meth lab and did nothing, leaving a four year old in the care of one of them. After Alaska and now Idaho it is clear the United States does not care too much about the welfare of children.

The landlords stole from me and did not provide services included in the rent and had been doing this to others for years. I told the police in Homer the story, they falsified a police report, demonized me and took no action allowing one of the meth cooks to sell meth and heroin in Homer for years. I believe it was the part about the prostitution and that they already knew about it, were customers or were involved. All the while the hapless cops in Homer were going, we have no idea why all these businesses are being broken into or where all the meth comes from. Then years later probation/parole out of Anchorage while looking for another guy caught him in their web. They allowed many people to be harmed including the perp who was young and addicted, needing treatment. I have a shitload of stories like this. The point was I was wrongfully imprisoned through corruption of officers of the court to cover up their corruption. They then tried to use the charge as leverage to get me to drop the appeal. I did not cooperate, but it did not matter because as per usual the public defender agency screwed me instead. They had all committed crimes and the lawyers should have all be disbarred. everyone got appointments and promotions. The two sociopaths should have been charged with multiple counts of theft, animal cruelty, filing a false police report and for one of them perjury in court. Oh and he also threatened to hire someone to beat me, so some kind of assault. Nothing happened because those two scumbags would spill their guts about the conspiracy so the assholes of the court protected them. Two of the players are right now trying to become judges and lying their asses off about me.

 I had the post conviction case with me when I left Alaska and the Interfaith Sanctuary threw that one and two others along with documentation from FOIA requests in their dumpster. So what happened at Albertsons has affected me, but if this had not happened I would still be really pissed off.

*********
Last night I come to the shelter and now call the gate where we enter the Brandenburg gate, Ich bin ein Berliner, brown shirts and SS, hehe. When they asked for my bed and locker number I told them but then said that I would rather sleep under a bed in the men's dorm. The student looked very confused and started to tell me that was not an option, but the staff cracked up. Then I explained that had happened and when the men told me in the morning I said that maybe trying that would be a good idea to help me get more sleep due to the crazy crap that goes on in the women's dorm.

This morning was my chore day. Now that we have lockers to put our stuff in rather than just having to leave it sitting outside at the shelter I have much less anxiety while doing them. I generally do not care which one is assigned. I only have problems with aerosolized bleach and if I am having a ME/cfs viral flare etc. and orthostatic doing something with lots of bending over is a problem, but that is not going on now. So I tell him I don't care about which chore. The problem was the bathrooms I was assigned to clean were to close at 7 AM but people in that area of the shelter did not get up and get ready to leave, so they expected me to just stand there and wait while one after another used the bathrooms. I finally started knocking on the door with two of them who did not even bother to hurry. One knocked on the door while I was cleaning and wanted me to come out then fiddle-farted around and the other one did too, then finally left without even flushing the damn toilet. So tired of this. What pissed me off was when staff finally came to intervene he tells me to go sit and calm down. No, I am not the problem, don't blame the messenger and don't make me have to stay there longer due to the actions of others. I was Johnny-on-the-spot to do what I was supposed to do but no one else was, capisce? I am very tired of paying for the sins of others in that shelter. But what really matters to them is my flip-flops in an extra plastic baggie.

Call the BPD an extra baggie was used.

Several Nights More Hellish Than Usual in Hell and Albertsons Falsely Accuses Me of Shoplifting,

After several nights of getting about three hours of sleep due to a bunkmate who shakes the bed and gets up and down many times from between two and three AM until just before time to get up when she goes back to sleep I am ill, exhausted and in lots of pain. There is also the emotional abuse from some of the shelter staff that has greatly contributed. Every night at lights out the bunkmate and another woman in the dorm yell and exchange insults at each other. Then there is all the other noise in the dorm, people actually talking on cell phones after lights out when people are trying to sleep. Who would do that you ask, well there are many there who would. I often can't believe what is going on but I hear it and see it. Texting or reading something on a cell phone is not a problem all night long if they don't flash the light around (student staff have done this), but all sound should be turned off. That is just common courtesy but many completely lack it. Last night before lights out it was just nuts in the women's dorm, yelling, singing, someone playing some show loudly. Some were trying to sleep and some were trying to read. Add to this the ones who have not bathed in a long time and have dirty clothing on so their body odor is wafting everywhere. I don't like to report the problem behaviors so people don't lose their beds, so try to talk to them. After several nights of the continuing problem and now I'm ill and being told to shut up when trying to act like an adult and talk to them I no longer care.

Last night was really bad and I did tell staff that came in the dorm. She said it was the super full moon and they were having problems in other places. I do believe in the full moon effect having been an RN in ER and critical care. However, the main problem is the mix of people who are now in the dorm, many problems.

This morning men told me a woman was found under a bunk in the men's dorm. They saw her feet and at first said, "Sir", then realized it was a woman. One of the men told me it was due to a problem in the women's dorm. It could have been the crazy behavior, the noise or bullying. I don't know. She may have been trying to get some sleep there since the women's dorm is so loud or maybe felt safe with her husband in there. Does she have PTSD? I understand if she does. I told them after last night, hey that sounds like a good idea, maybe I could get some sleep by hiding under a bunk in the men's dorm. When I come in tonight and they ask me my bed number I'm going to say, under a bunk in the men's dorm. Hehe.

I was bullied night before last as I wrote in the last post upon trying to get an un-contaminated towel for showering. Last night being exhausted both physically and emotionally I decided not to ask for a towel and brought a wash cloth to dry the important parts off but would mostly just stay wet and just put on my pajamas. That is how bad it is there, that I would go without a towel to avoid contact with the bullies. Sometimes I enjoy their bully show, but with the lack of sleep and the ME/cfs brain fog that results I just need to lay down, but can't. The staff in charge asked me if I wanted a towel and I told him my plan, he gave me an un-contaminated towel with no bullying. Thank you!

After another nightmare night and having heard more sad stories about thrown away possessions etc. I was not doing well. I got on a bus to go get some new ear plugs at Walmart, I almost fell down a couple times due to the neurological symptoms and dropped things all over the place I now have the POTS tachycardia. I threw up in the bathroom. After getting off the bus I went to Albertsons which was right by the bus stop to get vegetables for my health and a couple other things. My day got more disturbing.

This is the bag I take to the shelter. That is a baggie with a used wash cloth in it and a roll of garbage bags under it. I was accused at Albertsons of it being lunch meant, in other words accused of shoplifting. I am a good customer there, why treat me like that?

The police told me being accused by a store of shoplifting is not a crime in Idaho, it is in some other states. So as per usual I am completely on my own. I was very distraught so he advised me to contact CWA for some resources. That is the Children and Women's Alliance. I explained that even though the Interfaith Sanctuary is domestic violence that I would not qualify. I told him I had gone over there for trauma counseling and that I had a history of a huge amount of trauma. When the counselor who I liked left I was referred to another one. I always make sure since this is a red state they know I am a liberal, not a Democrat, a real liberal so if they are right wing our time is not wasted. If you think it should not matter, you have no idea about social workers, prejudice and gossiping about clients. She told me what my other counselor did was not therapy, but it was and exactly what I needed, especially the contact with such a lovely person. That counselor I was referred to and came in to see if we were compatible went on to explain that I did not need counseling because I am resourceful and read. Yes, she did. Trying to get counseling for trauma is just about impossible in the United States if the person with PTSD is low income. Certainly, the ongoing constant trauma at the shelter is intentional and causes much harm not just to the direct target but also the observers. The treatment that works the best for PTSD is taking control of your life back, when living in a hellish homeless shelter of bullying and abuse where they make massive constant rules and not knowing from day to day what crazy things will happen or if you will be thrown out makes the PTSD much worse. You do not actually have to do something wrong to be thrown out.

Considering what I went through in Alaska being falsely accused and wrongfully imprisoned which resulted in my cat being starved and torture, my property being stolen or put out in the rain and my being forced into homelessness while being the victim of multiple crimes; the accusation at Albertsons today has caused me to cry most of the day and after the abuse at the shelter this has put me into shock. When I recover there will be hell to pay all around.

From August of 2014:

Six years ago [now 8 years ago] I was arrested for something I did not do. It was a conspiracy out of the Nome system of backwards injustice. Think small town in Mississippi in the 1950s, but brown people instead of black. As time goes by there is more understanding of the events because truth floats, even though they lie and cover it up. Those who do wrong use and hurt others to cover their crimes and bad behavior. I wonder how high up it went and if this severe abuse of power was done in an attempt to shut me up about what went on at Norton Sound Regional Hospital and the treatment of the Native people in that region. The Department of Law (attorney general's office) has their fingers in everything in Alaska and told Half-Governor Palin's staff not to talk to me or help me with anything. Filing the appeal was the trigger because the hearing I was not invited to attend happened three days later. Another factor is some of the players may have been bucking for a political appointment or promotions which in many cases did happen.

This was not what I intended to publish today, but the barrage of crazy abusive treatment for the homeless never ever stops and my abuse is quite bad due to my communicating my experiences and observations.

It's Joe Albertson's supermarket and the wrongful accusations are free. 


















 counseling for trauma due to my being resourceful and because I read, yes she said that to a woman who was an RN that worked some as a supervisor in an adult acute psych unit, but all nursing has psych. I have had many strange encounters trying to get counseling for PTSD, it is just impossible.

Not looking forward to another night of no sleep. No peace, no sleep,. "I'm a human being God dammit, my life has value."

Bullying, Abuse, People Thrown Out, False Accusation Against Me, Interfaith Sanctuary Has Gotten Very Oppressive

Months ago I named this file 'first day homeless in Boise.'

I have been writing for hours as much has happened at the Interfaith Homeless Shelter recently, there will be more posts this week. They have gone into the realm of complete assholiness. I cried last Saturday night over something that happened to others and as each story is told I cry again. When others are harmed it traumatizes the observers and has a profound effect when that person is already traumatized and realizes that eventually they will have the same thing happen to them, but for me it had already happened. There is nothing I can do to stop the abuse and help people besides speaking up and writing about it. No one else will do anything, not the governor, not the mayor, not the federal government, not the board I am not allowed to meet with, not the other non-profit entities and the news media has no interest in telling the truth about how the homeless are really treated.

This particular trauma triggered the complex PTSD I have as what happened to them was also perpetrated on myself months ago, the loss of my property and three civil cases, FOIA requests, years of work and much of it geared to getting justice and housing. The director of the Interfaith Sanctuary has told me he does not want to hear about my suitcase again and I have never received even an apology from him, but lies were told. The shelter rather than help me get housing has made it more difficult by stealing my property from me, I will not be able to recover from that act of treachery.

Last night as I came into the shelter a man was being thrown out with a six year old. I will not repeat what he said, but it was very true. I have no idea what it was about but this occurs very frequently at that shelter, more and more often. The administrative level staff are at war with the homeless and some of the lower level staff are as well, but some are not like that, good people.

We now have social work students from Boise State doing some clinical rotation that has added a whole new level of chaos and harassment. Due to events that happened last Wednesday which I will be writing about the shelter has become a Charley Foxtrot on steroids.

Some of the students are lovely people, but a couple of them are bullies. One of them keeps saying, "Dan says...Dan says...Dan says...", really, you seem to have a special relationship with him, do tell us about it. Most of what she says he says makes no sense because it is all designed to bully me. She used one of her "Dan says..." statements last night to make false accusations against me and told me Tim was going to come and talk to me. That is not the first time a false accusation was made and it was about my being targeted to begin with because, you know, "Dan says..."

Like I have said before many shelters are like Dr. Zimbardo's prison experiment and the shelters are like prisons, they even look like the dorm style prisons. At night going to the shelter is like being in a prison at night and can include staff that behave very similarly to prison guards. I have worked in prisons in Washington state, volunteered in one and then was wrongfully imprisoned in Alaska.

This abuse is why people sleep in cars or tents. 

How could they be so cruel to people who are traumatized and suffering to begin with? But they are and have demonstrated their cruelty over a long period of time. They have also shown their lack of compassion and empathy while wearing the mask of altruism. This is common practice all over the country, notice who these homeless people are in this video, elderly and disabled. Notice how the staff just talks about rules as an excuse for the bullying. They get away with inhumane treatment because the homeless are vulnerable and have no power or voice and the governments both state and federal allow this, in fact the federal government dictates how the non-profit industrial complex runs shelters by the rules attached to receiving grants or even doing the HMIS. There are little regulations and absolutely no oversight of what goes on at homeless shelters. There are landlord tenant acts for other types of housing but the homeless are exempt from any protection including regulations about their personal property. A landlord in most states is not allowed to just throw your property out until you are given notice and a specific time period passes. People, especially the homeless can end up in the hospital unable to even call the shelter and the area the homeless are concentrated in is inundated with police so the homeless are arrested more often for ridiculous reasons and due to special laws written to control the homeless population. When the homeless are arrested they then lose everything they have at the shelter which is very likely all they have in the world and can include valuable things like family pictures. 

 
The picture below represents a very condescending and frankly ignorant sign on the desk at the Interfaith Sanctuary written by a children's author. I have complained about it multiple times, but this is how they treat us. I have even said, "Bill and Hillary Clinton called from the 1990s and want their neoliberal talking point back." Of course, it is also a right wing talking point. The war on the poor, the elderly and the homeless comes from all directions. Only those who know nothing about what has gone on in the United States over the last few decades and participate in the war on the poor could put such a completely backwards sign up in a shelter filled with people who can't get housing, jobs and other needs met due to actions taken for decades to prevent low income housing from happening.

Many lies at the Interfaith Sanctuary are told about people getting into housing and finding jobs. One night the director told me there was housing all over the place and I said no there is not. As a person who for almost a year looked every day, has social disabilities (most of which are false thus the civil cases) and came to realize the landlords and especially the property management corporations of Boise are prejudiced against the homeless I know this is very false. Even if they would rent to me I can't afford most of the rents. Section 8 is a big joke to us because even when people get a voucher they look for housing so long it expires and this has happened more than once to many people. False is the same as truth to the staff. I actually had someone pick this sign up and wave it in my face.

This patronizing sign is on the desk at the Interfaith Sanctuary.

Do they think the homeless have control over neoliberal economics, the oligarchy, the jobs that went overseas, the crappy wages, the huge barriers to getting an education, the lack of functional assistance to get housing and of course the corrupt government agencies and politicians. Do they think the homeless who are elderly and/or disabled have control over their age and health issues, especially considering the crappy health care. NO THE HOMELESS DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTROL AND I WILL BE DESCRIBING WHAT GOES ON IN THE SHELTER TO CONTROL US, ABUSE US AND RUN US OUT.

Yes some homeless contribute to their health issues by smoking and I am very angry that the shelter has put my health in danger by forcing me to have to function in areas filled with cigarette smoke. There are children who are exposed as well. We just had some changes that were supposed to help that but just last night someone was smoking in the Conex box the lockers are in and when I said something about it he was quite indignant that I was impinging on HIS rights. Common courtesy can be difficult to find. There are those who use drugs and alcohol and they cause problems for people in the dorms, no peace, no sleep, no sanity.

Unhealthy food is what the homeless can get to, even if people have Social Security or food stamps they can't cook and have no refrigeration. I go to the salad bar every day due to having mitochondrial dysfunction, the treatment is vegetables with lots of sulfur. I do not get a salad just some vegetables because that is cheaper and keeps without a refrigerator. In the evening I drink powdered plant material. This is the best I can do homeless. The food at the shelter is filled with beans and they cause inflammation which of course increases pain and other problems. Breakfast at the local soup kitchens is filled with sugar and that increases inflammation. Huge numbers of the homeless have diabetes mellitus and obesity, much of the weight issues are of course due to the sugared food available. I normally do not even eat sugar and spend a great deal of time cooking everything from scratch. The only sweetening I used was dates, a little honey or a little organic maple syrup. I now eat foods with sugar and other ingredients I don't normally consume such as wheat. There is no other choice. My years of taking good care of myself and using food, spices, herbs and teas to treat the ME/cfs have been slowly turned around and much of what I need to eat is impossible to consume as a homeless person.I take those spice shaker bottles and shake them into water and drink it down.

Sunday morning was my chore day. A man came in who had been thrown out, he has severe dementia, I know because on multiple occasions he lost his backpack and things in various places and I helped him find them. The shelter staff have no skill to deal with those with dementia but then why has Idaho and Boise placed those who need assistance for many health issues on the streets? I was just told there is housing for those who are gravely disabled and elderly, but why when I called Adult Protective Services about people in this situation last winter did they blow me off then. They often throw them out because they can't follow the massive rules and then are constantly bullied and eventually blow up. Those with dementia can become aggressive when constantly confronted due to frustration and being accused of things they can't even remember do along with being bossed around. Women are generally worse than men due to the Chihuahua effect, feeling vulnerable. They threw him out without his things and he came back saying it was a week ago, this may not be when it really happened due to his memory. They of course threw his things out. I expressed my concern for him and said that I had called Adult Protective Services for some people but without his name they can do nothing and probably will do nothing about it anyway. I wondered if they called APS over concern for a man who is obviously gravely disabled. That staff is a bully who is quite illogical, a smug liar. After the conversation I said to someone he will assign me the toilets now, but what he does not know is I don't mind doing the toilets. Then I said I was going to ask him to assign me the toilets. I went outside to take off my jacket and get some gloves because they only have large ones and that is not good protection for small hands. When I come in he says he already made the assignments. Then he gives me an assignment outside after I put away my jacket and had on a short sleeve shirt for doing chores. I was to wipe down the benches and tables, but they were all covered in ice. My hands were frozen by the time I got done and now my fingers have cracks in them. When I wanted to work outside and was actually doing extra chores they sabotaged that and as always were quite illogical. I was the only woman given an outside chore. This is what goes on.

One time that kid was bullying me and saying things that made no sense and I said, "You know what, I'm a writer, maybe I'll make you famous, you paint an interesting picture sitting there with your feet up on the desk, playing games on your cell phone and not doing your job." There is only one guy on night shift, that person needs to at least have common sense. The other night staff is a nice, intelligent man who knows the difference between being bossy and being a bully as demonstrated by his actions.

I expect hate and abuse. When we communicate the truth that is what happens.

Years of Trauma, Escaped to Fight Back, Homeless in Boise, The Trauma Continues

My DIGNITY has been taken from me, there has been the opposite of COMPASSION by higher level staff and certainly there is no RESPECT. This is why people were living in tents.

November 27th, 2015, a Friday night, was my first spent homeless in Boise. I had rented a room from a relative, discovered all the rumors I was told about her and her husband were very true, she was going in my room when I was not there and then I caught her. A couple things came up missing. Then it was very apparent that I needed to report child abuse and my safety would be compromised even more than it was. I have recordings of emotional abuse that neither Idaho CPS nor California CPS, nor the social worker in charge of an adoption that will net these people about $2000/month wanted to hear. I had been homeless for a few months in another state where I had been through much trauma and abuse for about a decade, I left with the files for three civil cases, mainly for two, just a little for the third one. I planned to get away from the craziness there and work on these cases. The Interfaith Sanctuary has destroyed these files or just thrown them out along with the theft of my personal property which all was in an almost brand new suitcase. I believe it was done for retaliatory reasons. More on that later.

What I expected from homeless shelters in a city this largely populated with people who I found surprisingly and delightfully kind when I first got to Boise was quite different than what is happening now. There is a huge class divide in this city and a subset of not so nice people.

I decided to start this blog secondary to two things, the statement the police chief, William Bones made that there were empty beds at the shelters during the removal of the campers of Cooper Court and how I was treated when I went to check into Interfaith Sanctuary. It was barbaric. More on this too. I did not publish it then due to attempts to speak with the administrative staff, which ended up being to no avail and the staff who work there who actually have empathy, but the two abusive guys just kept on. In other words every chance was given to them for changes or to even listen to the truth.

On 11/29/15 when I first began writing this many people tried to get into the Interfaith Sanctuary Shelter and were turned away. One of the shelters advertises that they never turn anyone away, City of Lights for women, but many told me they have been turned away, with many stating they will not stay there due to bullying and radical Christianists. The nickname for that shelter is "Jesus Jail."Are they getting federal money at Jesus Jail?  I think so or they would not be operating.

I was utterly horrified by the tent city in the alley around the Interfaith Sanctuary Shelter and behind Corpus Christie Day Shelter, not for the reason the city of Boise was, because of how bad things have to be at the shelters to make the decision to live in a tent when it is so cold outside. The shock of families who arrived in the freezing cold to go into the shelter with kids in jogging strollers or those kid carts pulled by a bicycle amplified this. It has been freezing cold for much of fall and winter in Boise Idaho.

Empty beds my ass! 

I was told unless I was one of the first three women to go into the Interfaith Sanctuary I would not get a place to sleep. That place would be on the floor, but I would not freeze to death. They do not have homeless mats for sleeping on the floor, they use these thin floor covering mats not designed for that purpose. I was told they do not have resources for such things. The cement is cold and dirty, the mats are also dirty. In my case with my health issues hypothermia could have easily happened and did many times, the Interfaith Sanctuary administration staff and operations manager do not care, that has been demonstrated several times. Certainly there are many of us with health issues that amplify the effects of cold on our bodies. I have several illnesses that make the cold effect me to the point my brain stops working and my hands freeze up. My right hand has parts that turn purple when it is not even cold. The only time while living in Alaska including close to the Arctic Circle I got as cold as I have waiting in the freezing cold for two hours to get into Interfaith Sanctuary was when I went up a mountain in an open tracked vehicle, that was in Nome. Homeless people die when it is this cold, but way more suffer. This is not due to a misunderstanding of the suffering, it is due to staff not giving a damn, the staff who makes policy and major decisions, but not all of them are like that. There were heroes in this story, some of the people of Boise came with food, hand warmers, jackets and kind words to let us know someone cared and thought we were humans. The staff who have empathy have also been heroes but the others made sure I felt unwelcome. Feeling like a human never lasts very long due to the abuse at the shelter for some of us.

People have the wrong ideas about who homeless people are. The population consists mainly of those who have needed some kind of service they did not get or who can't find affordable housing. A very important factor among the homeless which is almost never discussed is trauma illnesses. Those who have PTSD have a very high risk for self medication with drugs and alcohol. I am a retired RN, mostly critical care RN, some ER, supervision, but some psychiatric as a supervisor and contracts with a prison system and more. Because of my knowledge and my ability to do research when I developed PTSD from layers of severe psychological trauma while very ill with ME/cfs and more I knew the dangers and also that I was in danger from physicians, so I protect myself from the medications that get those with PTSD into problems. Then the trauma of being homeless makes the PTSD over time keep getting worse. That is especially true when homeless people are arrested for ridiculous things like they are in Boise. People need help, mental health treatment, basic health care, dental care, understanding, compassion, housing and some need jobs. There are large numbers of mentally ill and people who have health issues who are homeless without the resources to get housing. Homeless people are traumatized over and over and some of it is intentionally done by the homeless shelters, Interfaith Sanctuary has intentionally harmed me and of course others. More on this later as well.

Mentally ill people may self medicate. When the illness is treated the secondary medical problems such as addiction can be dealt with easier. If people are given housing all of the issues generally get better and addiction issues at least decrease. Expecting people living in a hellacious situation to get clean and sober makes no sense. Some are actually hoping they will die due to lack of the situation getting better due to the government not providing affordable housing along with no regulation of the abusive shelters. Add the social disabilities of an arrest record and bad credit due to no jobs and medical bills, the result means housing is impossible. The mentally ill with behavioral problems can find themselves thrown out into the freezing cold in the middle of the night and may be told they can't come back for a week or more Why is there no safety net for those who have these issues?

Two elderly men left the shelter the other night stating they would rather sleep outside than be treated poorly, one said he was recently hospitalized for being suicidal and did not need the abuse. No one needs the abuse some of the people who work at shelters met out. I understand how these two men feel after the things I've been through. What people with health issues do not need is poor nutrition, the high stress they have to live under, being out in the freezing cold for long periods of time, abuse, lack of sleep and having to stand outside for long periods waiting. In the case of those of us with orthostatic blood pressure issues (In my case Postural OrthostaticTachycardia Syndrome secondary to ME/cfs) and other issues this a health hazard. Taking a shower can be difficult and now they have designed a system of abuse even around showering. More on this.

Those who are on Social Security may have trouble finding affordable housing. I have this problem along with social disabilities that make me look like the opposite of what I am due to a corrupt justice system in another state. We have some income yet can't find a place to rent. I recently had someone at an agency call me indignantly asking why I was not living in a long term hotel. I told her most of them are $1500 to $1800 a month and any less than that never have vacancies, I know I checked before I even got here. She was ridiculing me but knew nothing about it. She said other things that indicate she had an attitude and no business working with the homeless.

I write about my life and have for many years because no one can make me feel like garbage like the police chief and mayor wants the public to think of homeless people.  It was clear in the news media Chief Bones was attempting to steer people into thinking the homeless are all intoxicants, that is very wrong. Those who are intoxicants deserve to not be demonized, they have an illness which is often secondary to a mental health problem. If you think they are annoying in your community trying living in a shelter with them. Why is Boise just now talking about Housing First? Where have you been city of Boise and state of Idaho?

I am a good person, I know this absolutely. In my life I did much good and I continue to do what I can to facilitate changes. I worked in the service of others for decades while I myself was ill after working my way through college while ill. Then when I needed help while developing PTSD no one was there for me, it has continued.

I volunteered as a Master Gardener and Food Advisor for the Cooperative Extension in Washington. I also volunteered in a prison, taught gardening and food preservation as a volunteer at an inner city addiction treatment program and worked at soup kitchens. As a student in a nursing program I worked on the streets with the homeless, found out what the public believed about them and reality are two different things and had no idea in the United States a whole family could be living on the street until then. I was working for pay at a state psychiatric facility in the legal offender programs and learned that many of the people were traumatized in childhood and needed help way prior to their arrests that they did not get. Most of the country, those who read anyway now finally know the mentally ill instead of getting help are often homeless or incarcerated.

The layers of trauma that have caused PTSD of a rather severe nature due to my "adventures" in Alaska have caused me much suffering, but I do well when I can do what I need to do for myself and get to choose what I eat. I had some supplemental nutritional products in my suitcase that were stolen by the Interfaith Sanctuary but they would not let me have access to them anyway.

 One of the reasons I left Alaska was to find counseling for the PTSD so I could continue to fight for my own personal justice and social justice there as mental health treatment is so horrible in that state. Instead I have been traumatized even more. When I can do what I need to do it all gets much better, but when homeless the nutrition, self care, and even sleep necessary to keep myself functioning better are not attainable. Part of my fight for justice has been ended due to the Interfaith Sanctuary staff stealing/destroying my property and then lying that it was my fault. It was locked in a building they had the key to and I was not allowed access to. 

I have high self-esteem because I know who I am and that I do not deserve the injustice I have suffered for a decade from the corrupt state of Alaska. That self-esteem angers people because they believe my speaking up should just not be allowed and I should bow down to the bullies. Many have tried to shut me up in the past about many subjects. I hate lies, truth and justice are what I care about. It is the only thing I live for now and this shelter of dysfunction and abuse has taken my files. The justice I fight for includes social justice.

Right now the census is lower than when I first started writing about this shelter, so less are trying to get in. Some have left Boise. But back in November and December people ­­­told me they tried to get into the Interfaith Sanctuary and were turned away while the public was told there were open beds. Shame on anyone who tried to tell the public otherwise. Before I had a bed, I stood for 1.5 to 2 hours in the freezing cold, hands and feet numb shivering not knowing what abuse would occur (there is bullying at most homeless shelters) or if I could get in. In a city as large as Boise there is just no excuse for this. My next post will tell the story of the first night.

The first song on this video demonstrates how angry I am, but I fight only with words and legal action. My anger and PTSD have been earned. I dedicate this song to an abusive male social worker at the shelter who after I was abused would come up to me and tell me I was angry as if that would be strange in that situation. Then there was the operations manager who slandered me in a crowded room saying I never said thank you for anything which is the opposite of the truth. He tells me over and over I should go over to Jesus Jail after something abusive, so he's trying to run me off. They can kiss my butt. I was leaving tomorrow, but after the thieves stole my property I have to stay and deal with them.