Counseling Cattle Call, PTSD, Rank Vaginas, Disrespect, Lies About Housing, So Sick of the BS

I tried to figure out how to put a bubble over the cat which says 'those bastards'.

Over the last year this was me writing about my experiences at the Interfaith Sanctuary. Sometimes I was too traumatized to write and sometimes too sick or both. Right now I am so sick of all of it, the bullying, the lies, the constantly changing rules, not being told the rules have changed, the gaslighting,the negative effects on my health, the lack of caring from city hall, the filth, the viruses, the noise, the women who don't bathe and have rank smelling vaginas that waft into my bunk causing gagging and the egocentric lack of common courtesy such as talking on their phones after lights out or early while others are trying to sleep. The noise level and the foul body odors in the dorm are just unbelievable, instead of talking many yell like they are putting on a show. Oh the drama over nothing or based on poor judgment. They have policies that spread the viruses quite efficiently, "That's how we've always done it." If I mention I have a defective immune system and so do others they immediately start discounting my concerns which are very valid.

Then there is the BS from the director Dan about how there is housing for the homeless all over Boise. He says he finds someone housing "every day." I asked for a list of those landlords, so far haven't gotten one. Then more BS. Since Dan was getting on my nerves I began giving him PTSD ranting versions of my stories so he asked me if I wanted counseling. Don't make me start the ranting stories about trying to get counseling for PTSD since 2005. I haven't even started about what happened in New Mexico or why I left Alaska a story that is very hard to believe but true. I saw a very good psycholigist here from Maryland, but the constant changing of my appointments and other issues ended that. I saw a lovely woman at CWA who left the agency, but the second one told me since I read books and was resourceful I did not need counseling, yea she really did say that to a former RN and while psych was not my primary specialty it was one of them. Total BS. This is what goes on.

The crazy community clinics in Alaska did not even call back in three places. The misdiagnoses because don't they always have those poorly trained social workers who don't have the education and experience to diagnose people in those clinics. They are utterly clueless. Then on top of it I have neurological issues that make sorting out what is going on the job of a psychiatrist, not an incompetent social worker or psychologist. Every place a different misdiagnosis, then the same story has played out here. I was suicidal  in Alaska for the second time which BTW is SOP due to the abuse and horrible conditions and what you have to observe happening to others, the corrupt government, the massive drunks and corrupt/inept law enforcement and the massive bullies. This social worker...get this...tells me it would be OK to hitch hike from Homer Alaska to Anchorage while suicidal because I was not young and beautiful. I said, "That's a crazy thing to say to a patient. She then bolted out of the room, never saw that crazy woman again, she is probably doing some crazy thing with a patient right now. I worked with psychopaths, some of them prey on older women and other types of predatory individuals target whoever they may see as vulnerable. I was trying to get to a program in Anchorage where to my surprise the psychiatrists were able to diagnose me with something that made sense. They also told me I needed to write a book, now I have material for two or three books. Having been a supervisor of an acute adult psych unit I was well aware of what my diagnoses were before going there and it is super obvious. But that does not stop hacks at the incompetent clinic for the homeless, Terry Reilly from making two misdiagnoses within five minutes of my arriving. Neither of them could have been made even if he had spent and hour with me while being way out of his area of expertise. They fired me as a patient and I will be writing more about that.

Dan told me this Affinity Inc has someone he can get me an appointment with and I ask if they have anything to do with Terry Reilly. He says no. Then the students tell me there is an appointment made for me on Monday at 8 AM. I had something to do that morning, but did not do it to go. I already knew it was probably going to not work out as nothing ever does with any of these agencies that "help" the homeless. I even told someone she will either not show up or be late and I can't take anymore of this crap. It is never about helping the homeless, it is about managing us, pathologizing us and criminalizing us. So I leave for a while and go back to the shelter a little early. While waiting, a few minutes before she was supposed to be there staff tells me she called to say she was coming. I ask what that means, is she going to be late...what? He doesn't know. I waited a while, then another person showed up obviously to meet with her. Then I say, "Oh, I see, this is a cattle call." And yes it was apparently more people showed up after I left saying, "How do I get out of this gulog?" I AM SO SICK OF BEING TREATED IN A DISRESPECTFUL WAY BY EVERYONE BECAUSE THE HOMELESS ARE NOT SEEN AS EVEN BEING HUMAN. I worked my whole life since high school with health problems until the abusive policies of this country and Alaska mostly affecting the Native people gave me PTSD.

What I needed long ago was housing and to not be exposed to the abuse and trauma that continues, layer upon layer here in 'Merica. I need to get the hell away from all these people who make very bad decisions that harm me. I need to do the things that treat ME/cfs, be able to sleep, eat healthy food, have some peace. I thought the problems in Alaska were due to it being backwards, but the same abuse, the same filth, the same lack of competent health care and the same lack of housing is here in Idaho. The treatment that works for PTSD is to give the person control of their life, but instead we get trauma piled on top of trauma for years on end. At the shelter we have no control, even though they put up a sign that says only we can control the rest of our lives.

The bad behavior of some of the women is not supervised so that limits choices even further. I have better judgment than all the staff put together, but am not allowed to make my own choices about housing, toxic chemicals, protecting myself from viruses, protecting myself from second hand cigarette smoke, protecting myself from sociopaths, toxic people and more. Even what I bring in for personal hygiene is controlled. I can't even use a hair drier. I cant write at night. I can't do the things I normally do, nothing. I can't even read a fucking book at night due to the junior high slumber party in the dorm every night and it has gotten horrible. There was a ban on books at one point, but that only lasted 24 hours. Can you even imagine such a thing? All this goes on while the rank va-jay-jay odor wafts into my bunk. I have complained about that odor every day for weeks now and it just gets worse. It has been an ongoing problem over the last year and the shower policy went from Nazi to nada without a word being said with regard to changing. Excusifying is the response to complaints.

I saw the police harassing people who were sleeping outside. One said they gave them tickets. That day I walked by and said to the cop the reason they are out here is the shelters are hell holes. There are other reasons people sleep in cars or outside, but day in and day out the craziness, the abuse and putting your property in danger of being thrown away or stolen makes the Interfaith Sanctuary a torture chamber of trauma. That shelter is crazy making. It makes mentally healthy people nuts, so imagine the effect it has on the mentally ill.

No social or revolutionary movement succeeds without a core of people who will not betray their vision and their principles. They are the building blocks of social change. They are our only hope for a viable socialism. They are willing to spend their lives as political outcasts. They are willing to endure repression. They will not sell out the oppressed and the poor. They know that you stand with all of the oppressed—people of color in our prisons and marginal communities, the poor, unemployed workers, our LGBT community, undocumented workers, the mentally ill and the Palestinians, Iraqis and Afghans whom we terrorize and murder—or you stand with none of the oppressed. They know when you fight for the oppressed you get treated like the oppressed. They know this is the cost of the moral life, a life that is not abandoned even if means you are destined to spend generations wandering in the wilderness, even if you are destined to fail. Chris Hedges

Homeless People in Boise Idaho are Treated as Non-Humans and Traumatized

Homelessness is a human rights issue that few people in the United States understand. Homelessness is about lack of basic human services and economics. The lack of services for some of the homeless may have occured when they were children being abused and no one helped them. Research shows that mental illness is much more about environment than genetics. It is about these issues for those who are mentally ill, those who are physically ill, those who are addicted, those who have a job but can't afford rent and those who can't find a job. But it is also about the Prison-Industrial Complex and the corrupt court systems. It is about laws passed to target the vulnerable such as people of particular races or the poor. It is about health care clinics with very low standards, no health care, poor nutrition, lack of sleep and traumatization in the homeless shelters of the Non-Profit-Industrial Complex.

The homeless are a commodity used to create jobs. What I have discovered as an intelligent person who is homeless is those who run these shelters believe the mythology that the homeless are lazy scum who deserve to be treated like animals. They believe this while saying they care and I think the reason is lack of knowledge and bad experiences in their own lives. The homeless in the United States are treated as non-humans and that is very much true of Boise Idaho.

I am tired of having the director of the Interfaith "Sanctuary" insinuate that I am lying when I tell him something. I DO NOT LIE, BUT HE DOES. I am also tired of him insinuating that I am lazy. He has no idea who I am and my life most certainly proves his thinking wrong. I am also tired of him threatening me with the other shelter when I confront him. I am at the Interfaith Sanctuary stubbornly documenting what goes on due to them stealing my civil cases from me that I brought from Alaska to work on for justice and to facilitate change. It was the only thing I was living for, I nearly died last winter, getting so ill after that. Obviously killing the homeless off is the main goal considering the abuse from the health care facilities in Boise Idaho and Alaska. I am also tired of Dan's mythology that there are apartments for rent everywhere if only a homeless person would just take the effort to rent one. It really is just that simple for them. Well I live in reality not la-la land, no there are not apartments everywhere especially for those of us with social disabilities. The places available for rent are either untenable or filled with people who cause massive problems. So renting puts one in a position of housing insecurity, you accumulate things and then have to leave, now you are homeless again. After this happens a few times a homeless person realizes it is useless to go to certain types of rentals, cigarette smoke (just like the shelter), meth labs, constant parties, drunk people, thefts, etc. Then there is the abuse from the landlords. Subsidized housing has been privatized and predatory corporations are in charge. I found that out the hard way. The USDA RD has no power over the abuse of the people who rent apartments in their programs, nope, they just give out money to corporations.

The landlords of Boise Idaho are very prejudiced, most of my social disabilities are not even true but I am falsely labeled by the powers that be in Alaska. Of course no one would believe me and that is what my civil cases the interfaith Sanctuary stole from me were about. I have tried for a long time to find a place to live so when Dan Ault says to me , "Don't you want your own apartment" like I'm some kind of a damn idiot who could get one if only I had the will, the urge to slap the snot out of his smug glib ass overcomes me. Or after abusing me around the chores when I tried to do extra he says I live there so why don't I help them out, why so you can traumatize me more? Nope I stopped trying

to help, more contact means more abuse. A bully system has constantly changing rules to prevent the success of the people in your shelter. And I don't LIVE there if I did I would be in charge of stopping the filth and trauma, there would be no cigarette smoke, gardens would be planted, quilts would be made, bead work would be done, books would be read and sock monkeys would be crocheted. We are only allowed to be there from around 6 PM until 7 AM and it's not living that is done, no it is DYING.

I am an activist and an ethical whistleblower. In the United States they consider someone like me to be a terrorist because our country is just that corrupt, so corrupt that telling the truth is considered dangerous. Being ethical is a huge threat, add being well educated and intelligent and the threat level skyrockets. I have been through hell for over a decade. Some of the things I wrote about in Alaska are now being at least looked at by the governor and other agencies including the Department of Justice. They claim to not know who I am while they read my blog posts, then the changes happen. People have gone to great lengths to try and shut me up. I'm still bitching and writing. So I am going to now be writing on this blog. Every effort on my part to give them a chance to stop the assholery has been met with dickholery.

Dan Ault told me he is tired of hearing about the suitcase they stole from me. There is a lawyer who joined in a conspiracy to have me wrongfully imprisoned which resulted in lots of bad things including my cat being starved and tortured by a psychopath they used to help them. She told me she was sick of hearing about my "frickin cat." That was in like 2007-8. I recently posted this on my other blog. Dan will be SOL.

Brooke Browning Alowa and John Earthman Are Applying to be Judges, Oh Hell No! Featuring a Picture of My "Frickin' Cat"

They have no idea who I am in Alaska. I have tons of these from along period of time.  

Then there are lots of these.

I am a radical but most people do not know what that means. What the United States needs is radicals right now to implement changes but considerable effort has been made to demonize us or lock us in administrative segregation in some privatized prison. The main reason for doing this is to prevent the truth from being told.

Tim Black interviewed Ajamu Baraka the vice presidential candidate of the Green Party who has been a human rights activist for a very long time. He explains what a radical really is. 

Ajamu Baraka describes what a radical is at 5:27.



I do go to the root, strive to understand the root cause, look beneath the surface, ask the critical questions and do seek truth. I'm as radical as hell and proud to be an ethical radical outspoken person. I am not proud of my country and other people who are conscious know why, unfortunately the major portion of our population is not conscious. I love my country the place, some of the history, some of the people, not the government and many people from many different political beliefs feel this way. We all love what we thought this country was but it was never that. Some of us have had experiences that educated us to understand we have been living in propaganda for decades. Wake up!

The root cause of homelessness is not laziness, drugs or alcohol. A huge number of homeless people have been traumatized so a person on drugs or alcohol is showing you a symptom, the root cause is trauma. Having to live in a homeless shelter that traumatizes them over and over with staff who say bullying, glib, patronizing things while treating them like a child does the opposite of empower that person to get out of homelessness. After so much trauma of having their property taken by the shelter, having their bed taken for unjust reasons, having to live in filth, having to live in vermin, never getting enough sleep, being bullied, not being able to have your property with you, having to leave your property in a dangerous situation, being forced to breathe second hand cigarette smoke, being treated like you are not welcome at businesses, being abused at some businesses by owners (laundromat), having police come into the laundromat to ask you if you are doing laundry, having staff at a store follow you into the bathroom because you have a backpack, having the sidewalks blocked so you have to walk in the street, having the dangerous drivers of Boise nearly kill you often, receiving little to no appropriate health care, having to eat an unhealthy diet, no ability for self care, perhaps having to sleep on the floor, being thrown out of the shelter into a dangerous situation at night, being falsely accused, never being able to have any peace, the filth, the unsanitary way things are done, the frequent viruses, the secondary bacterial infections, only ten minutes to shower and on and on, did I mention the damn filth enough? This all leads to dehumanizing of people and they give up, their souls broken. Add injustice from the courts, add social injustice, add loss of human contact, then the lies told by the government about the homeless. Then the very people in control of what happens with the homeless in political positions, the police, the mayor even those running the shelters perpetuate myths which make the pain and trauma so much worse.

There are Trauma-Aware ways of running programs that deal with traumatized people, but the choice is often made as it has been in Boise Idaho to go ahead and traumatize people more over and over and most certainly to trigger their PTSD or whatever their trauma illness is often so they never can heal. The main key to healing PTSD is to give people control of their lives. Homeless people have no control and have to live in systems that frankly are Charley-Foxtrots often filled with idiotic thinking, no common sense. Then when something is pointed out they accuse the homeless person of being a liar or lazy, this happens to me often and I am the exact opposite of these accusations. The shelters are generally run by those who lack empathy, but constantly say they care about the homeless. They do cruel things then blame the victim, even lie. I will discuss this further.

This all needs a radical change. I am a retired RN with PTSD and ME/cfs who has been treated like garbage after spending my life helping others while struggling with health problems. I went to bush Alaska where women were raped and the police would not arrest the perps, the Indian Health System hospital was unregulated and quite dangerous and workplace bullying was used secondary to my whistleblowing and attempts to report the problems. Recently tiny amounts of things were done about some of the problems. I will be damaged by the experience for the rest of my life and continue to fight for justice both from the courts and social justice.

Alaska After All These Years is Finally Counting and Testing the Stockpiled Rape Kits, You Know Like They Just Noticed Them, SOP