Counseling Cattle Call, PTSD, Rank Vaginas, Disrespect, Lies About Housing, So Sick of the BS

I tried to figure out how to put a bubble over the cat which says 'those bastards'.

Over the last year this was me writing about my experiences at the Interfaith Sanctuary. Sometimes I was too traumatized to write and sometimes too sick or both. Right now I am so sick of all of it, the bullying, the lies, the constantly changing rules, not being told the rules have changed, the gaslighting,the negative effects on my health, the lack of caring from city hall, the filth, the viruses, the noise, the women who don't bathe and have rank smelling vaginas that waft into my bunk causing gagging and the egocentric lack of common courtesy such as talking on their phones after lights out or early while others are trying to sleep. The noise level and the foul body odors in the dorm are just unbelievable, instead of talking many yell like they are putting on a show. Oh the drama over nothing or based on poor judgment. They have policies that spread the viruses quite efficiently, "That's how we've always done it." If I mention I have a defective immune system and so do others they immediately start discounting my concerns which are very valid.

Then there is the BS from the director Dan about how there is housing for the homeless all over Boise. He says he finds someone housing "every day." I asked for a list of those landlords, so far haven't gotten one. Then more BS. Since Dan was getting on my nerves I began giving him PTSD ranting versions of my stories so he asked me if I wanted counseling. Don't make me start the ranting stories about trying to get counseling for PTSD since 2005. I haven't even started about what happened in New Mexico or why I left Alaska a story that is very hard to believe but true. I saw a very good psycholigist here from Maryland, but the constant changing of my appointments and other issues ended that. I saw a lovely woman at CWA who left the agency, but the second one told me since I read books and was resourceful I did not need counseling, yea she really did say that to a former RN and while psych was not my primary specialty it was one of them. Total BS. This is what goes on.

The crazy community clinics in Alaska did not even call back in three places. The misdiagnoses because don't they always have those poorly trained social workers who don't have the education and experience to diagnose people in those clinics. They are utterly clueless. Then on top of it I have neurological issues that make sorting out what is going on the job of a psychiatrist, not an incompetent social worker or psychologist. Every place a different misdiagnosis, then the same story has played out here. I was suicidal  in Alaska for the second time which BTW is SOP due to the abuse and horrible conditions and what you have to observe happening to others, the corrupt government, the massive drunks and corrupt/inept law enforcement and the massive bullies. This social worker...get this...tells me it would be OK to hitch hike from Homer Alaska to Anchorage while suicidal because I was not young and beautiful. I said, "That's a crazy thing to say to a patient. She then bolted out of the room, never saw that crazy woman again, she is probably doing some crazy thing with a patient right now. I worked with psychopaths, some of them prey on older women and other types of predatory individuals target whoever they may see as vulnerable. I was trying to get to a program in Anchorage where to my surprise the psychiatrists were able to diagnose me with something that made sense. They also told me I needed to write a book, now I have material for two or three books. Having been a supervisor of an acute adult psych unit I was well aware of what my diagnoses were before going there and it is super obvious. But that does not stop hacks at the incompetent clinic for the homeless, Terry Reilly from making two misdiagnoses within five minutes of my arriving. Neither of them could have been made even if he had spent and hour with me while being way out of his area of expertise. They fired me as a patient and I will be writing more about that.

Dan told me this Affinity Inc has someone he can get me an appointment with and I ask if they have anything to do with Terry Reilly. He says no. Then the students tell me there is an appointment made for me on Monday at 8 AM. I had something to do that morning, but did not do it to go. I already knew it was probably going to not work out as nothing ever does with any of these agencies that "help" the homeless. I even told someone she will either not show up or be late and I can't take anymore of this crap. It is never about helping the homeless, it is about managing us, pathologizing us and criminalizing us. So I leave for a while and go back to the shelter a little early. While waiting, a few minutes before she was supposed to be there staff tells me she called to say she was coming. I ask what that means, is she going to be late...what? He doesn't know. I waited a while, then another person showed up obviously to meet with her. Then I say, "Oh, I see, this is a cattle call." And yes it was apparently more people showed up after I left saying, "How do I get out of this gulog?" I AM SO SICK OF BEING TREATED IN A DISRESPECTFUL WAY BY EVERYONE BECAUSE THE HOMELESS ARE NOT SEEN AS EVEN BEING HUMAN. I worked my whole life since high school with health problems until the abusive policies of this country and Alaska mostly affecting the Native people gave me PTSD.

What I needed long ago was housing and to not be exposed to the abuse and trauma that continues, layer upon layer here in 'Merica. I need to get the hell away from all these people who make very bad decisions that harm me. I need to do the things that treat ME/cfs, be able to sleep, eat healthy food, have some peace. I thought the problems in Alaska were due to it being backwards, but the same abuse, the same filth, the same lack of competent health care and the same lack of housing is here in Idaho. The treatment that works for PTSD is to give the person control of their life, but instead we get trauma piled on top of trauma for years on end. At the shelter we have no control, even though they put up a sign that says only we can control the rest of our lives.

The bad behavior of some of the women is not supervised so that limits choices even further. I have better judgment than all the staff put together, but am not allowed to make my own choices about housing, toxic chemicals, protecting myself from viruses, protecting myself from second hand cigarette smoke, protecting myself from sociopaths, toxic people and more. Even what I bring in for personal hygiene is controlled. I can't even use a hair drier. I cant write at night. I can't do the things I normally do, nothing. I can't even read a fucking book at night due to the junior high slumber party in the dorm every night and it has gotten horrible. There was a ban on books at one point, but that only lasted 24 hours. Can you even imagine such a thing? All this goes on while the rank va-jay-jay odor wafts into my bunk. I have complained about that odor every day for weeks now and it just gets worse. It has been an ongoing problem over the last year and the shower policy went from Nazi to nada without a word being said with regard to changing. Excusifying is the response to complaints.

I saw the police harassing people who were sleeping outside. One said they gave them tickets. That day I walked by and said to the cop the reason they are out here is the shelters are hell holes. There are other reasons people sleep in cars or outside, but day in and day out the craziness, the abuse and putting your property in danger of being thrown away or stolen makes the Interfaith Sanctuary a torture chamber of trauma. That shelter is crazy making. It makes mentally healthy people nuts, so imagine the effect it has on the mentally ill.

No social or revolutionary movement succeeds without a core of people who will not betray their vision and their principles. They are the building blocks of social change. They are our only hope for a viable socialism. They are willing to spend their lives as political outcasts. They are willing to endure repression. They will not sell out the oppressed and the poor. They know that you stand with all of the oppressed—people of color in our prisons and marginal communities, the poor, unemployed workers, our LGBT community, undocumented workers, the mentally ill and the Palestinians, Iraqis and Afghans whom we terrorize and murder—or you stand with none of the oppressed. They know when you fight for the oppressed you get treated like the oppressed. They know this is the cost of the moral life, a life that is not abandoned even if means you are destined to spend generations wandering in the wilderness, even if you are destined to fail. Chris Hedges

After They Destroyed My Work Towards Justice and Housing I Promised Dan Ault at the Interfaith Sanctuary About a Year Ago To Stay and Document the Abuse and Craziness, Then Did It

I have been an activist around workplace bullying, prison reform and justice reform along with political blogging for years. I helped get rid of two serial bullies at Brother Francis Shelter in Anchorage Alaska. The psychopathic one was finally fired after harming/torturing homeless people for years. They knew and allowed it. The public has no idea that most homeless shelters due to the clients being mostly invisible, being treated as pariahs and being blamed for their plight are managed by bullying and it can be very brutal and inhumane. Here is an article written by the amazing Anne Hillman of Alaska Public Media which discusses some of my efforts. There were several of us who spoke up about the bullying which actually was also torture. I was generally the main target just like at the Interfaith Sanctuary due to my personality making me an immediate target. The co-serial bully of the fired abuser was eventually made to heel. I wrote over 200 grievances which were ignored and left phone messages at night to the director of Catholic Social Services while sobbing, the Archbishop had a nasty woman blocking anyone from telling him about the abuse, so I stopped any priest I saw and told them what was going on. Anne Hillman who wrote the above article eventually came and spent a night at the shelter. The reporters in Boise are spineless. There were two who I tried to convince that telling the truth about how the homeless are treated would be of great service. They then went in the one person bathroom where we were together so I could not hear them discuss what they were working on. I said, "Did you two girls get your hair and makeup straightened out?"

 Some blog posts about being homeless in Anchorage Alaska:

I Am Now Homeless, BFS Bullying Assholery, Don Young Wants Wolves to go After the Homeless

Homeless In Anchorage Alaska Part 1: The Bus to Hell/Brother Francis Shelter Bus Stops

Homeless in Anchorage Alaska Part 2/There's An Angry Homeless Person in the Lobby

Homeless in Anchorage Alaska/Part 3/Brother Francis Shelter Can't be Fixed As Long As CSS is in Control of it.

Homeless In Anchorage Alaska Part 4/The Sleepng Mats at Brother Francis Shelter Are Filthy and Much More

Prison reform posts, just a sample of them:

Governor Walker's Coverup. For Almost a Decade the Palin and Parnell Administrations Knew Inmates in the Prisons Were Dying and Being Harmed.

Alaska DOC Homicide, Death by Face Down Restraint and Fat Asses (Part 1)

Part 2: Alaska DOC Homicide, Death by Face Down Restraint and Fat Asses

There was a massive amount on injustice including my own story:

Alaska After All These Years is Finally Counting and Testing the Stockpiled Rape Kits, You Know Like They Just Noticed Them, SOP

MY OBJECTION LETTER ABOUT A CANDIDATE FOR POLICE CHIEF IN SOLDOTNA IS DEDICATED TO THE PENINSULA CLARION ONE OF THE MOST CRAPTASTIC NEWSPAPERS IN ALASKA

ANNIVERSARY DATES: RELIVING THE TRAUMA OF INJUSTICE AND CORRUPTION

My Experiences With The Alaska Department Of Probation: Part One

This was just a tiny sampling. Then there was the political stuff and making fun of politicians, especially Sarah Palin. I am waiting to see if Donald Trump appoints her, it would be comedian heaven, the Wasilla Hillbillies in Washington D.C. 

I was tortured, harassed and abused at the Interfaith Sanctuary last November starting the day I arrived. My civil cases and FOIA requests I had been working on for years to restore my good name, get justice, expose evil corrupt people and fix problems that made it difficult for me to rent housing due to social disabilities were taken from behind a locked door and thrown in the dumpster without informing myself or the others whose property was in long term storage that they were doing so. How is it there are no laws regulating these non-profit industrial complex shelters of abuse? I insisted the Boise Police Department do their job and investigate the theft of my property which included more than those files. Lies and BS to try and blame me for their unethical and criminal behavior were spread around. 

Dan Ault tried to run me out of the shelter starting immediately and it has not stopped for a year, it continues. I was the victim and he should have been run out of the shelter not me. I told him that rather than go over to Jesus Jail instead I would stay and document what went on there. AND I DID FOR A YEAR. 

There is no doubt Dan thought I was full of crap, but he did not know who I am, a very determined, justice and truth seeking person who believes that our country should treat everyone with respect and kindness. This should certainly be true for the homeless who rather than what the neoliberals and neocons would like the public to believe, and many, many do, are mostly not the parties responsible for their homelessness. The mentally ill, addicted, intellectually impaired, elderly and disabled have had services restricted, did not get the help they needed, no low income housing was built for three decades and facilities where many could have been looked after were closed. Then the areas in the cities where old hotels, boarding houses and other low cost housing were located were gentrified creating more homeless people out of those barely surviving on the edges of society.I actually searched for monthly hotels and boarding houses all over the country with no luck, they are gone.

The plan was to take what I had written and put it into a book, but I nearly died last winter. Certainly no responsibility has been taken to try and prevent the spread of pathogens in the shelter, but instead they do what they can to insure their spread. Considering I have immune system problems and there is no housing despite what Dan Ault or Tim say, then the events of last night made all of this very clear to me, I may die, so will be posting much of what I have already written along with current events. 

The abuse continues. If they throw me out of the shelter it will not be for a legitimate reason, but it will not prevent my telling the story as it's already been documented. Really I have quite enough they can stop the assholery any time. 

Years of Trauma, Escaped to Fight Back, Homeless in Boise, The Trauma Continues

My DIGNITY has been taken from me, there has been the opposite of COMPASSION by higher level staff and certainly there is no RESPECT. This is why people were living in tents.

November 27th, 2015, a Friday night, was my first spent homeless in Boise. I had rented a room from a relative, discovered all the rumors I was told about her and her husband were very true, she was going in my room when I was not there and then I caught her. A couple things came up missing. Then it was very apparent that I needed to report child abuse and my safety would be compromised even more than it was. I have recordings of emotional abuse that neither Idaho CPS nor California CPS, nor the social worker in charge of an adoption that will net these people about $2000/month wanted to hear. I had been homeless for a few months in another state where I had been through much trauma and abuse for about a decade, I left with the files for three civil cases, mainly for two, just a little for the third one. I planned to get away from the craziness there and work on these cases. The Interfaith Sanctuary has destroyed these files or just thrown them out along with the theft of my personal property which all was in an almost brand new suitcase. I believe it was done for retaliatory reasons. More on that later.

What I expected from homeless shelters in a city this largely populated with people who I found surprisingly and delightfully kind when I first got to Boise was quite different than what is happening now. There is a huge class divide in this city and a subset of not so nice people.

I decided to start this blog secondary to two things, the statement the police chief, William Bones made that there were empty beds at the shelters during the removal of the campers of Cooper Court and how I was treated when I went to check into Interfaith Sanctuary. It was barbaric. More on this too. I did not publish it then due to attempts to speak with the administrative staff, which ended up being to no avail and the staff who work there who actually have empathy, but the two abusive guys just kept on. In other words every chance was given to them for changes or to even listen to the truth.

On 11/29/15 when I first began writing this many people tried to get into the Interfaith Sanctuary Shelter and were turned away. One of the shelters advertises that they never turn anyone away, City of Lights for women, but many told me they have been turned away, with many stating they will not stay there due to bullying and radical Christianists. The nickname for that shelter is "Jesus Jail."Are they getting federal money at Jesus Jail?  I think so or they would not be operating.

I was utterly horrified by the tent city in the alley around the Interfaith Sanctuary Shelter and behind Corpus Christie Day Shelter, not for the reason the city of Boise was, because of how bad things have to be at the shelters to make the decision to live in a tent when it is so cold outside. The shock of families who arrived in the freezing cold to go into the shelter with kids in jogging strollers or those kid carts pulled by a bicycle amplified this. It has been freezing cold for much of fall and winter in Boise Idaho.

Empty beds my ass! 

I was told unless I was one of the first three women to go into the Interfaith Sanctuary I would not get a place to sleep. That place would be on the floor, but I would not freeze to death. They do not have homeless mats for sleeping on the floor, they use these thin floor covering mats not designed for that purpose. I was told they do not have resources for such things. The cement is cold and dirty, the mats are also dirty. In my case with my health issues hypothermia could have easily happened and did many times, the Interfaith Sanctuary administration staff and operations manager do not care, that has been demonstrated several times. Certainly there are many of us with health issues that amplify the effects of cold on our bodies. I have several illnesses that make the cold effect me to the point my brain stops working and my hands freeze up. My right hand has parts that turn purple when it is not even cold. The only time while living in Alaska including close to the Arctic Circle I got as cold as I have waiting in the freezing cold for two hours to get into Interfaith Sanctuary was when I went up a mountain in an open tracked vehicle, that was in Nome. Homeless people die when it is this cold, but way more suffer. This is not due to a misunderstanding of the suffering, it is due to staff not giving a damn, the staff who makes policy and major decisions, but not all of them are like that. There were heroes in this story, some of the people of Boise came with food, hand warmers, jackets and kind words to let us know someone cared and thought we were humans. The staff who have empathy have also been heroes but the others made sure I felt unwelcome. Feeling like a human never lasts very long due to the abuse at the shelter for some of us.

People have the wrong ideas about who homeless people are. The population consists mainly of those who have needed some kind of service they did not get or who can't find affordable housing. A very important factor among the homeless which is almost never discussed is trauma illnesses. Those who have PTSD have a very high risk for self medication with drugs and alcohol. I am a retired RN, mostly critical care RN, some ER, supervision, but some psychiatric as a supervisor and contracts with a prison system and more. Because of my knowledge and my ability to do research when I developed PTSD from layers of severe psychological trauma while very ill with ME/cfs and more I knew the dangers and also that I was in danger from physicians, so I protect myself from the medications that get those with PTSD into problems. Then the trauma of being homeless makes the PTSD over time keep getting worse. That is especially true when homeless people are arrested for ridiculous things like they are in Boise. People need help, mental health treatment, basic health care, dental care, understanding, compassion, housing and some need jobs. There are large numbers of mentally ill and people who have health issues who are homeless without the resources to get housing. Homeless people are traumatized over and over and some of it is intentionally done by the homeless shelters, Interfaith Sanctuary has intentionally harmed me and of course others. More on this later as well.

Mentally ill people may self medicate. When the illness is treated the secondary medical problems such as addiction can be dealt with easier. If people are given housing all of the issues generally get better and addiction issues at least decrease. Expecting people living in a hellacious situation to get clean and sober makes no sense. Some are actually hoping they will die due to lack of the situation getting better due to the government not providing affordable housing along with no regulation of the abusive shelters. Add the social disabilities of an arrest record and bad credit due to no jobs and medical bills, the result means housing is impossible. The mentally ill with behavioral problems can find themselves thrown out into the freezing cold in the middle of the night and may be told they can't come back for a week or more Why is there no safety net for those who have these issues?

Two elderly men left the shelter the other night stating they would rather sleep outside than be treated poorly, one said he was recently hospitalized for being suicidal and did not need the abuse. No one needs the abuse some of the people who work at shelters met out. I understand how these two men feel after the things I've been through. What people with health issues do not need is poor nutrition, the high stress they have to live under, being out in the freezing cold for long periods of time, abuse, lack of sleep and having to stand outside for long periods waiting. In the case of those of us with orthostatic blood pressure issues (In my case Postural OrthostaticTachycardia Syndrome secondary to ME/cfs) and other issues this a health hazard. Taking a shower can be difficult and now they have designed a system of abuse even around showering. More on this.

Those who are on Social Security may have trouble finding affordable housing. I have this problem along with social disabilities that make me look like the opposite of what I am due to a corrupt justice system in another state. We have some income yet can't find a place to rent. I recently had someone at an agency call me indignantly asking why I was not living in a long term hotel. I told her most of them are $1500 to $1800 a month and any less than that never have vacancies, I know I checked before I even got here. She was ridiculing me but knew nothing about it. She said other things that indicate she had an attitude and no business working with the homeless.

I write about my life and have for many years because no one can make me feel like garbage like the police chief and mayor wants the public to think of homeless people.  It was clear in the news media Chief Bones was attempting to steer people into thinking the homeless are all intoxicants, that is very wrong. Those who are intoxicants deserve to not be demonized, they have an illness which is often secondary to a mental health problem. If you think they are annoying in your community trying living in a shelter with them. Why is Boise just now talking about Housing First? Where have you been city of Boise and state of Idaho?

I am a good person, I know this absolutely. In my life I did much good and I continue to do what I can to facilitate changes. I worked in the service of others for decades while I myself was ill after working my way through college while ill. Then when I needed help while developing PTSD no one was there for me, it has continued.

I volunteered as a Master Gardener and Food Advisor for the Cooperative Extension in Washington. I also volunteered in a prison, taught gardening and food preservation as a volunteer at an inner city addiction treatment program and worked at soup kitchens. As a student in a nursing program I worked on the streets with the homeless, found out what the public believed about them and reality are two different things and had no idea in the United States a whole family could be living on the street until then. I was working for pay at a state psychiatric facility in the legal offender programs and learned that many of the people were traumatized in childhood and needed help way prior to their arrests that they did not get. Most of the country, those who read anyway now finally know the mentally ill instead of getting help are often homeless or incarcerated.

The layers of trauma that have caused PTSD of a rather severe nature due to my "adventures" in Alaska have caused me much suffering, but I do well when I can do what I need to do for myself and get to choose what I eat. I had some supplemental nutritional products in my suitcase that were stolen by the Interfaith Sanctuary but they would not let me have access to them anyway.

 One of the reasons I left Alaska was to find counseling for the PTSD so I could continue to fight for my own personal justice and social justice there as mental health treatment is so horrible in that state. Instead I have been traumatized even more. When I can do what I need to do it all gets much better, but when homeless the nutrition, self care, and even sleep necessary to keep myself functioning better are not attainable. Part of my fight for justice has been ended due to the Interfaith Sanctuary staff stealing/destroying my property and then lying that it was my fault. It was locked in a building they had the key to and I was not allowed access to. 

I have high self-esteem because I know who I am and that I do not deserve the injustice I have suffered for a decade from the corrupt state of Alaska. That self-esteem angers people because they believe my speaking up should just not be allowed and I should bow down to the bullies. Many have tried to shut me up in the past about many subjects. I hate lies, truth and justice are what I care about. It is the only thing I live for now and this shelter of dysfunction and abuse has taken my files. The justice I fight for includes social justice.

Right now the census is lower than when I first started writing about this shelter, so less are trying to get in. Some have left Boise. But back in November and December people ­­­told me they tried to get into the Interfaith Sanctuary and were turned away while the public was told there were open beds. Shame on anyone who tried to tell the public otherwise. Before I had a bed, I stood for 1.5 to 2 hours in the freezing cold, hands and feet numb shivering not knowing what abuse would occur (there is bullying at most homeless shelters) or if I could get in. In a city as large as Boise there is just no excuse for this. My next post will tell the story of the first night.

The first song on this video demonstrates how angry I am, but I fight only with words and legal action. My anger and PTSD have been earned. I dedicate this song to an abusive male social worker at the shelter who after I was abused would come up to me and tell me I was angry as if that would be strange in that situation. Then there was the operations manager who slandered me in a crowded room saying I never said thank you for anything which is the opposite of the truth. He tells me over and over I should go over to Jesus Jail after something abusive, so he's trying to run me off. They can kiss my butt. I was leaving tomorrow, but after the thieves stole my property I have to stay and deal with them.